I persuaded the missus to go out shopping tonight around midnight. I've been enjoying her company. She wanted to see what kind of stuff I liked. Most places were already closed, and I refuse to shop at Walmart, so our other 24 hour option was Meijer's. It's a step above Walmart in quality, and lacks the right wing political connections that we find distasteful.
We shopped for some other people, but mostly we were perusing stuff for me...in the men's department. Gawd, men's clothing is dull, especially when you've been privy to the look and feel of women's clothing for many years. The longer we were looking, the more sad I became. I've tried before to tell her that I'd rather look in certain other areas of the store for things I'd like, but she has indicated that she won't do that. With things going well with us for the moment, I didn't want to push. So, I endured. We saw nothing that I fancied.
We wound up eventually in the hosiery and accessories area, looking at stuff for my middle daughter. I brightened some on the inside, and gazed longingly at many items, including earrings, but I held my tongue. I did get some new underwear, which is quite panty-like in design. As long as it's being marketed to men, she has no problem with it.
I have to fix the relationship before I can advocate for Leslie gifts. This shopping trip demonstrated to me just how brittle my hold on happiness can be. I kept my mood swing to myself, but it took a lot of self-control. I'll need more of that in the near future.
A wood and two roads
11 hours ago
Oh Leslie, that is just so sad. What a shame Mrs. L, couldn't accompany you and your girlfriends on a shopping trip for things you really like.
ReplyDeleteMelissa XX
Melissa, that would be one for the books. My first thought is worry for the safety of my friends. But yes, if done willingly, it would be terrific!
ReplyDeleteMeijer is cool. Thank you for patronizing us and keeping me in a job. :-)
ReplyDeleteI remember the feelings you describe here all too well. Uggh.
How do you think you're going to "fix" the relationship, first?
ReplyDeleteIn your eyes "fix" means getting the wifey to accept your femme side.
In your wife's eyes "fix" means you just drop it, completely, and forever.
I don't think you're being at all realistic about the gaping chasm between those two views.
Yes, shun the Wal-Mart. Jolly good for you. Even at the expense of your own desires to cater to "Leslie Ann" you really must take these opportunities, to play nice, make like a family does and enjoy the moment.
ReplyDeleteVeneer peels off. Think of it as a nice coat of wood stain.
xoxo - Petra
Wow I can remember the feelings well.
ReplyDeleteOn the plus side your wife and you seem a bit happier in the last couple of blogs, On the challenging side she still has a long way to go to understand.
Big hug.
x
Leslie, not to dampen the spirits any, but please keep in mind that Mrs. L gave you a list of notes to take and discuss with your therapist. Is there any chance that she thinks things have been "settled"?
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, shopping for men's clothing is just plain boring. I have likened it to restocking your medicine cabinet: aspirin, bandaids, blue long sleeved shirt, etc. It is a bit like eating just to fill the hole in your belly. It meets its purpose but isn't really satisfying.
But regardless, have a very Merry Christmas and find what joy you can in the season.
Girl I feel your anguish. When this first started for me, my wife, in an attempt to convert me back to "manhood", went out and spent hundreds on new men's clothes and most of it I distastefully discarded.
ReplyDeleteIt's great that you are being so careful with her, you seem to really love her. I won't give my opinion though, we all have our own walk to walk and our own decisions to make. I just hope it all works out for you girl. Hugs.
Sophie gives such an apt description of shopping for men's clothes. Few things are more boring or less satisfying. Even before having my transgender epiphany, I wished I could be shopping in the womens department instead of the mens, but that was was just the girl who has always been inside me talking. Of COURSE I wanted to shop in the womens department!
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of a couple of weeks ago, when I went to K-Mart with my son and my ex. We came upon the womens dept and I saw exactly the kind of hat I've been looking for. Without hesitation on my part, and without comment from the family, I started looking at hats and trying on different ones, and I ended up buying one. I'm wondering if the ex and I are making progress in this regard, and if it was just an isolated incident.
I respect Jerica's decision to withhold an opinion, but Jamiegottagun's comment pretty much reflects what I'm thinking whenever I read your blog. You're a woman, and your wife wants you to forget about it. How can there be a compromise there?
Good decision, BTW, to avoid Walmart. Ugh!
Dana
xxxx
"Sometimes you just gotta say, 'What the f***'", to quote Tom Cruise in Risky Business.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how dysphoric you must feel playing the game shopping for BS you'd hate to wear. It sounds like if she's not going to go with you, then you should up the shopping trips where you go out by yourself, just so you can deal with the madness later.