Smooooth

Post without a pic? Pshaw!

Coulda gone better. Much, much better.

I felt that events were conspiring against me as the week progressed. I kept throwing nagging reminders up on the listserv, and had a total of four RSVPs when Saturday rolled around. It's not odd in any walk of American life for people to ignore the response aspect of party planning, so I let it roll, with misgivings.

The event was scheduled to start at 7:30. I had warned folks that Kentucky would be starting a football at precisely the same time, just a few blocks away.

Around 3:00, I got an email from the manager of the Pride Center, our location. The owner of the building had decided that he needed to get his parking lot repaved before the cold weather really set in, and the only time available was that day. So, now we were without a parking lot, at a time when the lot across the street is parking cars at $10 apiece for the game.

I look tired....

I sent out an email suggesting parking at the shopping center next door.

I ran into very little trouble driving in and parking next door. Others reported terrible issues with traffic, and no foreknowledge of the game situation. Why bother sending out notices that no one notices, hmmm?

People trickled in. We had nine, including me, at 7:45. Time to surrender to hunger, and hope some more make it. We made it to eleven folks an hour later. That is a tiny turnout, and a very strange meal. The good spin is that there were four newbies among the group, and I think it was a positive experience for them.

I kept up a good front till the eating was done, but began flagging thereafter. I wasn't really involved in the conversations, and the din was making me shut down. I made it through to the end (as I had to), but it was exhausting. Really makes me appreciate Sylvia's efforts now.

One of the latecomers has been with the group almost as long as me, and stayed after the meeting. She volunteered to help out with leadership stuff in the future. I definitely am going to need some assistance. I have never done anything like this before, but I am determined not to let this group crash and burn on my watch.

Stuck in Neutral

I think the blog standard should be at least one entry a year, or you have a derelict site. This post will double that dubious standard for the year. Yay for me!


So much happening in my life, and so little of it is relevant to this blog. The world spins dizzily 'round me, but I don't seem to be moving. One daughter has moved out with a roommate; fingers crossed that she succeeds as an independent person. My youngest just got his first job, and is starting to consider school to be more than a hobby.  Mother-in-law has passed the two year mark with us, and my wife insists that she will be out by the third anniversary. We are both beyond ready for that.


Like I said, I am mostly stationary. I am sure that I have forward gears. I have used them before. When I started blogging, I was moving much faster than was comfortable for those around me. Now I languish. I dress fully one day a month, at least when I get to the meeting. This is not forward motion. This is gunning the engine, redlining it, with the parking brake engaged. My makeup skills are improving, but there is not much satisfaction over all.


I think I have been to five of the ten meetings this year, but that will have to change. My pal, Sylvia, who has been acting director of the group for about three years, has resigned her position. She will be staying away from meetings for awhile, dealing with a case of burnout. That leaves me, dear friends, to lead this dog and pony show.

My first selfie: Future director of TransKentucky.

This is waaaay out of my comfort zone. I will be leading the November meeting, which is our Transgiving potluck. There is more physical organization of the space than actual leading for this one, so, small favors, baby steps. It is three weeks away, but the old social anxiety wells up in me if I think too long about it. I suppose I need to grow, and this might be a good step in re-engaging in both meetings and my feminine life.


If you're really nice, I might even share how it all turns out....

Back in Bidness

She's back, and she's bad.

Six years, almost exactly, since this blog went private. If you have been locked out during that time, the posts kept coming, though the frequency faltered.  You only missed about 120 posts, about a third of the blog.

The truth of the matter is that the smaller my audience became, the less interested I was in sharing my thoughts. What good is a thought only shared with oneself? Fine for some, maybe, but not for this girl. Deep down, behind the wallflower male facade, lies an attention junkie. My fixes have not kept pace with my need.

I have been considering this move for a long while. Months ago, my therapist wondered why my blog was private. My answer: at the behest of my spouse. I was doing damage control. I have the backing of my therapist now (she is also my wife's therapist, btw), and the time seemed right to step out into the warm glow of the internet once more. Plus, Calie asked me to write a piece for T-Central, and what better way to re-launch my brand? 

If you are new to this blog, there are essentially two topics that get play here: my struggles with gender issues and dysphoria, and the tension that all that brings to my marriage. Sounds fun, right?

If you are returning after a long absence, welcome back to my world, and know that I have missed you. I can already feel the writing urge bubbling in me. I look forward to being an active member of the Blogistan community again.