Attempting Upbeat

Last night, my son, the freshman trumpeter, played in his school's spring concert.  My favorite was Sousa's Liberty Bell March, which you slightly-less-classy schlubs may know as the theme of Monty Python's Flying Circus.  I love that piece, of course, because of Python.  The band nailed all three pieces, and we had a great view of our boy.

And now for something completely different....

Out of increasing boredom, I changed things up a little at my May meeting.  I have been wearing the same hair since late '08, and my advancing age is making me a little self-conscious about the style.  It just so happens that my sister-in-law passed down a wig to me over a year ago.  It was one of her two cancer wigs, and happily, she no longer has that need.

I tried it on once, and it was so tight that I honestly couldn't get it on properly.  You see, she has a woman-sized head, and I have an enormous man-skull.  But boredom won out, and I tried it again.  It took a lot of upper body strength (thank you, testosterone), but I managed to get the wig on my head.  I fiddled with it, and wore it for awhile, and decided that I would wear it at my meeting.  Herewith, the result:

I had to keep pulling it down in the back, but I liked the look, and felt more natural. Plus, warm weather and blanket-style hair hats are a bad combo. This was much cooler than my usual 'do.

Late in our meeting, long-time member Vanessa dropped in with an announcement.  She is moving to Seattle.  The airline that employs her offered her a full-time position out there.  She brought several big bags of clothes and shoes, plus her wigs.  Several of us went through the clothes and laid claim to our favorites.  I got three skirts, and a bunch of tees that will be great for layering.  A terrific haul.

Vanessa has a lovely attached hairstyle now, and doesn't need her wigs any longer.  She had me in mind for the wigs, and we reached an agreement on price very quickly.  One is the same style as my usual Leslie hair, but has blonder highlights. The other is a short black style.  Both are large and fit so much better than my existing coifs.

I am chuffed about having new hair.  Some ennui was setting in for me.  I guess natal women go through the same thing, tiring of their look and searching for another that might work.  Well, if it's good enough for the genetic ladies, it's good enough for me.

Lastly, a curtsey for Joanna, who has been on my mind a lot.

About Time

The day of my April meeting, I turned fifty. Fifty. Other milestones have largely passed barely noticed.  I remember twenty-nine being difficult. Fifty, though, has caused a lot of reflection, more than expected.

I truly feel mortal now.  I feel kinda old, too.  I'm not, but that's my perception.  People in my family typically live past ninety, so there's a good chance I'm just a bit past middle age. 

At fifty, I feel two things very strongly. One, that I am very fortunate to live in comfort and safety, with a wife that loves me, and children that are essentially good, caring people.  And two, that I regret the decisions that led me here, and would trade it all to be living a dramatically different life.  It's hard to integrate those two notions.  So much to be grateful for, and a flippant desire for something completely different.  Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention.

Of course, you know I will now mention them. You all know the principal regret. I had no business pulling someone into marriage with me without benefit of the knowledge that I was harboring a deep secret, a second self that caused me shame.  All the other regrets fall like dominoes from that mistake.  I should have spoken my truth when it could have spared her feelings and mine.  However, fear won the day, and the war, for that matter.

That's all the darkness I want to dig through for now.  I will try to balance it with a happier post soon, and there is upbeat stuff to report.