Decisiveness is most assuredly not a strength for me. It must be terribly frustrating for anyone reading of my travails. Every decision made is one that will be rescinded in a few days. Round and round we go. Seriously, I don't know why you would stick around through so many iterations.
I find myself mulling compromise. Yes, I know how adamant I sounded Monday night. Now I am considering creating a list of things I might be willing to give up, and things I would really like to have. I would want Mrs. Leslie to do the same, perhaps both of us working with our shrinks through the process. Am I a fool to try? Probably, but I truly don't want to end the marriage, except for those times when I do.
I am Hamletta, the Danish princess, standing in the graveyard, epilator balanced in the palm of my hand, asking, "To bare or not to bare?" I could go either way. Just depends on which day the question is asked.
Thanks you for your patience as I rearrange the deck chairs.
A wood and two roads
11 hours ago
You remember how Hamlet ended, right?
ReplyDelete:)
:(
This is not moving backward. What you are considering is really a fairly fresh idea. Past attempts at a compromise have been lopsided, consisting of demands for you mostly. A renegotiation on more equal footing could be a positive thing.
ReplyDeleteJust be careful that you don't back yourself into a corner, where you will be trapped by concessions you later regret. Gender identity is so tightly woven into the id, that any significant compromises, will eventually leave you depressed, and resentful of the very person you are compromising for. As I said before, this shouldn't be a debate over your gender identity, and the way you choose to express it. It should be a discussion over accepting, and respecting each other for who you are.
ReplyDeleteMelissa XX
I recommend trying the North Korean approach, LOL, go nuclear first then offer to negotiate. Why not shave the whole body for a few days then offer to just shave the legs as a compromise?
ReplyDeleteOr you could try the Iranian approach, offer to negotiate, but refuse to actually compromise your position and hope the other side gets used to the idea.
Also you've gotta remember who the Mrs. counselor is... (I know I have inside knowledge of course) but her counselor really doesn't have much experience with trans people and doesn't know how far you will or will not go. I fear I might be a bad example, but our circumstances are different and the same too.
My guess is though that ultimately Mrs. L will never accept or settle for anything less then a hairy manly version of Mr. L. Good luck dear, you're going to need it. But I do laud your efforts (HUGE EFFORTS) to save your marriage.
Again, maybe think like a North Korean?
Sylvia
Do not go North Korean, lol.
ReplyDeleteThis is two blogs in a row, but I agree with Melissa again. Trying to talk this stuff over isn't a bad idea, but the annals of trans history are rife with stories of women who made concessions they couldn't live with and later reneged on...myself included.
@ Renee
ReplyDeleteYeah, I thought about addressing Hamlet's end, but couldn't find a good spin. Better to ignore it!
@ Sylvia
With my minor in political science, I shoulda come up with these scenarios. I'm thinking that the Monroe Doctrine applies somehow.
Nice comments, all. Be forewarned that more waffling is in my future.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slingbacks and arrows of outrageous fabulousness...
ReplyDeleteThat's how it goes, right?
I ought to spank you! Of course it's nobler to suffer the slingbacks and arrows of outrageousness! What!? Did you expect to grow old gracefully? Anyone can do that! I intend to grow old disgracefully!
ReplyDeleteMelissa XX
@ Melissa
ReplyDeleteYou're well on your way. Ha!
Well, I'm reading these late, as usual.
ReplyDeleteThe post, after this one, regarding the book, True Selves, is the way to go, IMHO. Forget the list. Just work on having her better understand what it is to be TG.
I just can't get myself to joke around after reading this post and the two following it. I am concerned for you and your marriage, Leslie. I left my sense of humor at the door. This is serious stuff with me.
Calie xxx