Anyone else getting tired of my story having no resolution?
Mrs. L intended to have the tough conversation tonight. We went to Friday's, had a big meal, talked about many things, and cordially. None of which were her issues with my gender issues, and the tenuous tissue that is our marriage.
I'm not starting this conversation. I will not. If she wants answers, she has to ask the questions. She still won't get any answers that she wants to hear. Hell, I don't even know what I'll say. My stomach hurts just thinking about saying this stuff out loud.
I am not a boat rocker. I have done only what I felt I had to do. I have minimized the damage wherever I can. Still, I feel incredibly selfish. It is all about me.
I just want to get this over with. I guess that contradicts my earlier statement about being unwilling to initiate the talk, huh? I'm a mess. I need resolution.
A wood and two roads
11 hours ago
Leslie Ann, within my limited experience, situations like yours rarely have a quick resolution that is positive. And by positive I mean that you get to stay together as a reasonably happy couple and you transition together, assuming that is what you want. I do not know if your self identity is going to end up being as a transsexual or a crossdresser, but either way it NOT a lifestyle and it is NOT something that you choose or don't choose to do. And in that respect it is "all about you". It is an integral part of what makes Leslie be Leslie. One thing Mrs. L HAS to do is to accept that. She doesn't have to like it, just accept. For myself it was a matter of transition or disintegration, one or the other was inevitable.
ReplyDeleteAs far as how to get her to accept it, I do not know. My suggestion is to be the better woman and wait her out. Keep the legs clean, but give her a birthday present too. But I can tell you what is not going to lead to marital bliss and that is negative reinforcement and tit-for-tat retaliation, the "you didn't give me a present so I am not going to give you one either" type response you proposed. Recognizing her birthday doesn't really cost you anything (well, maybe, depending on what you give her). It doesn't cost you in that you are not giving up a part of what you are inside. I realize I am tending toward the rose colored glasses view. I am assuming that you WANT the relationship to continue. You also need to have a Plan B, but it does not sound to me like you are in the position yet where you want, or need, to cut your emotional losses and get on with life.
I agree with Sofie completely. Tit for tat reaps only more of the same. For there to be progress...whatever that means, you will have to be willing to take the high road. By the high road, I mean that you must be willing to give more than you receive. I know that's what you have been doing, but now is the time to push it to an even higher level. Your displays of unconditional love...expecting nothing in return...will keep the ball in her court and help her see who you really are inside...if that indeed is how you feel. I think now would be the time for "the best birthday present ever." Even more important would be a heartfelt, handwritten card with nothing but one-way expressions of your love for her. Such an act might generate skepticism on her part, but no attached demands from you would make it hard for her to righteously struggle against.
ReplyDeleteYou may not be a confrontational person, but confronting someone you love with unconditional love is very disarming and can only build trust in the long run. As always, you're in my prayers. Don't give up on what you want.
I pretty much agree with the commenters here...do what you need to do for yourself, but do it with dignity and class. How we treat others says more about us than it does about them.
ReplyDeleteOK, I'll make it an even four who all agree.
ReplyDeleteBut, good lord, girlfriend, you hoped to have this discussion at a Fridays?
Are you Out of Your Mind?
A discussion like this needs to be done at a location where emotions can come pouring out of both parties. To talk about it in whispers, just doesn't make it.
And next time, dear friend, perhaps you take the lead rather than wait for her to bring it up.
Still love ya, but it seems to be same-o/same-o and does tie in with the title of your blog.
Calie xxx
Okay, I renig on the present thing, I like these commentors POV better. But I don't like the idea of you just rolling over all the time. I think you've been used for TP a few times too many and could stand to stand your ground somewhere. I don't think you're going to make progress at all if you keep giving in all the time.
ReplyDeleteGood luck,
Sylvia