I'm busily prepping myself for my meeting Saturday, but I think I need to clarify a few things.
The Abuse thing: Mrs. W and I have different ways of communicating. I do get browbeaten when I stand up for something that she disdains. "Abuse" is a loaded word, and I don't know that I want to go there. Henpecked, bullied, berated, but not abused. I might add that under most circumstances, we get along very well. I believe my therapist wanted to make me think.
Manipulation: I am passive-aggressive, and yes, I can be manipulative. With my therapist, though, I am not overly dramatic. I do phrase things for optimum impact sometimes, but I also downplay other things. For this very reason, I remind her to read my blog a few days before a session. I want her to see how I tell the same stories for another audience. I want her to have the fullest picture possible. Plus, I frequently forget details by the time we meet, so the blog fills in some blanks and allows her to think about the questions she needs to ask to draw me out.
The Escape Plan: This is a very long term situation. We will have to get our finances in order before we could afford to live apart. The fact that I feel like leaving now is largely irrelevant. It could all change, and there will be much time for that to occur. Unless she throws me out. One never knows. Y'all can't get this resolved that easily. This soap opera has many more plot twists left to play out.
Three kids makes this impossibly complex and emotionally weighty. There's much more fallout than two jaded and bitter quasi-compatible middle-aged married folk. She uses the kids as a reason to limit my Leslieness, and I see her point. This could prove very disturbing to one or more of the kids. Living with a very unhappy father could also be damaging, I suppose.
Anyway, I have to get back to my preparations. I think I'll be wearing my gray dress, which I wore to two meetings last winter. I have a miniscule wardrobe, and no money to put toward improving it. I love what I have, but even at once a month, I'm repeating myself a lot. But that's a small issue next to the marital stuff. Tomorrow night, perhaps a report about my meeting.
Musings: It's All About Community
5 hours ago
Leslie Ann, I agree. The word abused is pretty loaded and usually brings to mind the physical side. But the mental side of it can be just as insidious. I suspect my kids are somewhat older than yours (I also have two granddaughters) and we went through all this much later in their lives, but as the parent of four of them I would recommend you take a close look at a thought from your post. Your Leslieness could prove disturbing to your children. Living with a very unhappy parent almost certainly will be damaging. Hard decisions and I do not envy you a bit. But I wish you the very best and I hope you enjoy your meeting. A hint, if finances are tight for building a wardrobe try thrifting. It is a great way to put together the basics, not so much the accessories.
ReplyDeleteHave fun tonight. Sorry about blowing up your blog earlier.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I can barely imagine how complicated your scenario is. My situation didn't involve even one child, and it was still the hardest thing I've ever had to cope with.
Big Hug,
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