Sunday, Halloween, was an improvement. Still very stressful, as Mrs. L has only one way of operating on a holiday: putting 10 pounds of plans in a 5 pound bag. Throw in a late start on executing said plans, and her need to head to work just before the goblins began coming to the door to hustle some candy, well, you get the idea. Such is life with my missus.
Sleep took the edge off my depression from Saturday evening. Now, on Sunday night, I'm pretty stable. The comments left on the last post are much appreciated. I especially liked that you ladies started getting agitated at my wife. I know that several of you harbor some ill will toward her, based on my descriptions. Truly, I think you would all like her if you met her. But then, she doesn't have a vested interest in your lives, and no desire to maintain your status quo.
I was having a very earnest chat with a friend Saturday night, and we were discussing the need to tell my kids the truth about their father. It comes down to a realistic choice. Do you allow them to find out accidentally, which is bound to happen at the current rate, or do you find a way to reveal the truth gently, in a planned fashion, with support at the ready, prepared to field tough questions? I would say the latter. Mrs. L would likely deny the possibility of the former occurring, thereby negating the need for the latter. She lives in a world where she can will things to never happen. Nice to be God, no?
So, I've been thinking about this a lot. I've wanted to tell my middle child for some time. I think she would handle it well. She's open-minded and tolerant. Mrs. L might even agree on that. It's the boy she fears for. Just entering puberty, she believes that losing the image of a thoroughly masculine father (has she ever met me?) would turn his world upside down. Well, finding his father dressed to the nines one night in the basement will most assuredly accomplish that, and without a safety net.
I have therapy Monday, and I will be getting my money's worth after the last few days. I have a lot on my mind that needs to go through the therapy filter.
Musings: It's All About Community
5 hours ago
Hi Leslie,
ReplyDeleteWow, I read your previous post and the comments and yes, I have to agree that you are being manipulated by Mrs L. And I further agree that dressing at work is dangerous especially in this job market. Getting caught could be the beginning of the end for you. We do need outlet though don't we.
Hugs, Elly
Obviously this is a highly personal decision and reasons and motivations will vary from family to family. My wife and I decided early on that I would not come out as a transsexual until my kids were reasonably well set and comfortable in their own sexual/gender identities. We sort of decided that would be around college-age. So now that we are both agreed it would probably be ok to tell them, I'm the one who is hesitant - afraid to disturb the relationships that give me so much joy and define most of my life.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I sometimes think if I was a braver person, I'd consider telling the kids when they were still pre-school age, so they'd grow up knowing all about me. I know you are really wanting to reveal yourself now, I believe me, I understand that internal pressure, but my own feeling is that doing so as your son is entering puberty could make a tough time in his life significantly tougher.
viv
ps i totally get the office dressing. back when i worked late hours in a lockable office, i'd dress sometimes too!
You might want to seriously consider finding some other masculine role models for your son - - just in case. or Justin Case. I think I recall that you participated in the Boy Scouts and that I would think would help. What about uncles or older cousins that are close in age and can show him the puberty ropes? Then if you get outed they can be "teen angst" angry at you without loosing the gender ID.
ReplyDeleteI'm a fan of backup plans.
Syl
You know I can't harbour ill-will towards Mrs. L, what she is doing may be rather unfair to you but those who do should bear in mind that her reactions are simply those of a genetic girl for whom fate has taken a massive dump on the rule book.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes wonder whether those whose wives storm out at the first mention of anything feminine aren't the lucky ones. But then I remember why I care about Mrs. J and hang in there.
Tell the youngster? You're right, probably better to do that than be discovered as Leslie. But it's one of those one-shot things, no second chance to get it right.
I have the opposite problem to you, a workplace in which I was given unsolicited the official seal of approval from HR to dress if I want, and I choose not to because it's too close to home. Sitting at your desk on a long afternoon watching stylish female colleagues walking past can be torture in that light.
Hi Leslie,
ReplyDeleteBlah, this is a mess!
I think your instincts about your son are right. And you know the score...being proactive is better than being reactive, but maybe you can avoid the whole thing if you're just careful? I guess my thoughts are that unless you curb all of your self-expression at home, accidental discovery probably is, like you say, inevitable...and that you'll get blamed for carelessness because "that wasn't supposed to happen". And accidental discovery would definitely be a somewhat harder situation to decompress, at least early-on (long-term, I think the outcome would prolly shake out about the same).
I don't harbor any ill-will towards your wife. Maybe we would get along well, though I don't know how we could ever have a conversation, what with her head buried so deep in the sand. :p
Hi Leslie, hopefully "chat" will work now.
ReplyDeleteYour wife would love me, after all what's not to love about a crossdresser?....oh right.
About work, I have done this, but its incredibly silly and a bad idea. Don't take this risk, home is where you need to be free, if it is worthy of the name.
Truly, I think you would all like her if you met her.
ReplyDeleteYeah....but would she like me? Has she met your T-friends? I rarely mention my wife, but I will say that she has no problem meeting my T-friends, and this means a lot to me.
Calie xxx