Whilst discussing several things that are currently frustrating Mrs. Leslie, she added that it never seems a good time to have an argument with her husband. She offered to have it now. I agreed.
The source of her upset is the perception that I am not carrying my fair share of household duties. When I didn't make it home in time to have the baton passed to me after my meeting, her feelings reached the tipping point. It appears that it has little to do with Leslie, and everything to do with male me.
The crux of it is our schedules. She has recently been required to work both Saturday and Sunday evenings, the Saturdays being a new thing. I work Monday through Friday evenings. Perhaps you can suss out the issue here. Yes, we have zero time in which to be a couple. In fact, the opportunity to talk privately is increasingly rare. I have told her that it's not working. I think she understands that, but her solutions look a bit different.
She wants me to start going to bed earlier, so that I might rise earlier and help her with our oldest child and various things around the house. I get the point, and yes, my computer time could be considered excessive. Of course, the place this solution leads (and I don't think she has considered this), is the grossly insufficient Leslie time I am accorded, and her attempt to shorten it. This is where the next conversation will have to go, and it will not be a happy one, certainly not for me.
I'm going to pull male privilege here. My job pays three times hers per hour, and I have full benefits. Her job (the one in question), is part time with no benefits. I cannot start my day of work before 3pm. I need to work overtime, and I need time to wind down when I get home. Moving my bedtime will not be easy. I might be able to aim for 4am, but here I am blogging at 3:50. Seems a stretch, doesn't it?
She also brought up the need for outings for the two of us. I see the need, but it's unclear when they might occur. She suggests that we might do lunch occasionally, if I rise earlier. She also wants me to arrange these things, despite the chaos of her schedule and the thick routine of mine. It will require a lot of me, but I will attempt to do this.
There was probably more, but it was sixteen hours ago. That was the gist, anyway. I was pleased that it wasn't about my ongoing internal battle of the sexes.
Musings: It's All About Community
5 hours ago
Dysphoria is totally debilitating! If she had come to some kind of agreement with you before now your whole being would not be in such turmoil that it disrupted your time together.
ReplyDeleteShe knew how little Leslie time you get and made no allowance to let you get some comfort and satisfaction from it, instead she tainted the whole event and left you in an inefficient state afterwards. To compensate you turn on you link to a world which understands, many of us out here do the same.
Your situation is complicated I know, perhaps even more important that you have that lunch appointment and define the ceasefire lines
Caroline xxx
Well, if it's not one thing, it's another. What about conversing without it being an argument? Your wife reminds me of my mother and the way she handles things. Avoid avoid avoid. Denial denial denial. That said, I hope you two can reach some kind of mutual accommodation that's good for both of you.
ReplyDeleteSome clarification: Mrs. L used the word argument because she felt that it could become unpleasant. It didn't. It was civil. She just let me know her position, and we discussed a little. The next talk could well turn into an argument, as I will have to advocate for myself in ways she probably won't cotton to.
ReplyDeleteLeslie, you're life is a total roller-coaster. Think about this, she's pissed because she thinks you're not pulling your weight not about your dressing-----isn't that something? Something very mundane and solvable?
ReplyDeleteAlso asking your partner for more together time (even if you are both busy) is a positive sign. If she didn't care deeply about you she wouldn't have asked.
I know I'm flip-flopping, and your wife seems to be uber-controlling but if you don't engage then your communication issues are not all down to your wife.
I recognise this immediately. Mrs. J and I have similar friction, she works most weekends and I don't so we very rarely get days together. Thus she needs time with her bloke when we're together and sometimes he's in short supply.
ReplyDeleteTrouble is, when a substantial part of your support comes through your laptop you are torn. My Android handset and data plan has made a difference there, I'm online and not on a work connection at other times of day.
These extra duties sounds like "woman's work" to me. As a man, upon your arrival in mid morning, a good woman would fetch her man his pipe and slippers. Perhaps fix a nice meal and aid to his beacon call. These are womanly duties to her man. That is if she truly wants a traditional man. Seems she doesn't want any feminine traits or activities from you....unless it makes her life better.
ReplyDeleteJust sayin'
Peace, Tina
After reading the comments I have to wonder if I didn't miss something? Dunno. Well, here's my 2 cents worth...
ReplyDeleteI think I'm with Claire on this one. This sounds positive but with a passive aggressive controlling overtone.
Then I have to be with Leslie on the $$$ side of the equation. Although Leslie seems willing to risk that by dressing at work; she finds it hard to compromise the time for time with the wife? Or maybe it's the employers unwillingness to bend. I dunno. I cannot judge.
But it sounds to me like either Mrs. L needs a different job so you two can spend time together or maybe you've built your lives this way unconsciously to avoid one another.
;P Well Leslie, dear, you've worked your way into quite a mess. Work with her and work with the counselor. Good luck and let us know if you need anything.
I'm with Claire, Leslie. Can't have your cake and eat it too, you know. Marriage is a two-way street and compromise is what makes it work. Pay her some attention and your crossdressing issues may just be minimized in her mind.
ReplyDeleteOh, when was the last time you brought her flowers?
Calie xxx
Oh Leslie, so sorry about this. As a spouse that has a totally diff schedule of her own, I feel that pain (or have felt it.) We are fortunate right now that as we both work full time, I have a boss who lets me off (or tries anyway) one day per week that Penny has off. It's been that way for a couple of years now and BOY has that helped us out. If you could carve out just one "regularly scheduled" time per week to be with your spouse, I think it'd help you both. Maybe. Anyway good luck with talk number two. I certainly don't want you to loose any Leslie time and I would think in all fairness, she could find a way to compromise.
ReplyDelete