I suspect that Simone and I are the only ones not tired of discussing football, so let's see what else we can get into.
I'm beginning to think that I will be having a confrontation with everyone's favorite antagonist, my wife. She's become increasingly distant since the big holiday. I've broadly hinted that closeness would be welcomed, wrapped my arms around her and such. She's not responding much, and I'm sure(?) it comes down to my semi-bare legs.
What irks me most is that I am not presenting the least bit female around her. I've cut my nails, I'm not wearing toenail polish (something I could easily get away with at this time of year), I'm fully-haired elsewhere. She's got her same old husband, except for some hair. Why is this a dealbreaker?
For now, this is an overreaction on my part. Nothing has been said. It's just a pattern that I recognize from the many previous fallouts. Time will tell if I'm reading her right. Angst is a lot like Christmas shopping. It pays to get started early. Then you're ready for the big day when it arrives.
Musings: It's All About Community
5 hours ago
At least you stand a small chance of success, I wish!
ReplyDeleteCaroline xxx
Maybe its not about you. I can say that I used to think that every time my wife's mood shifted or something changed it was due to "my problem" and then we opened up a bit more of our communication and I found it wasn't always about me. She would even say "it is not always about you!" and then tell me what's wrong.
ReplyDeleteMany times we are so caught up in ourselves that we think that everything in our lives bad or good all comes back to this one subject. I have found that there are times when we are or what we have done is the problem, but other times its not. Ask her see what she says, what's the worst she could say that you haven't already thought of...
B
I agree that you need to wait it out...but don't stop showing lavishing the affection. Did you breathe in her ear and whisper that you love her? It gives me goosebumps thinking about it...lol. Good luck...and the legs look pretty good from here. ;)Suzi
ReplyDeleteI am not sure it is just the fact that you have shaved, but more a worry she has of where it will end.
ReplyDeleteShe is probably working out how she feels and how she can deal with this change.
Our partners tend to worry how far this goes and it also presents them with major challenges to there own sexuality.
I have the same intimacy issues with my wife as she sees me as a woman, and doesent consider herself a lesbian.
I am working on that though ! (Wink)
But in a lot of ways we are closer.
Keep the communication open if you can.
x
As bree implied, other people don't tend to focus on our gender issues nearly as much as we do. Some show was on television the other night, and I caught the line "Hello, Copernicus called, you are not the center of the universe." Sometimes I think that as transgender people, we need that call. For many of us, gender identity is the core concern of our existence. From that perspective, sometimes it is easy to forget that everyone else has their own issues, and that they are connecting with you on many levels other than gender.
ReplyDeleteHolding on and waiting for an explosion, with no preparation beyond bracing yourself, is living in a very reactive mode. Instead of waiting quietly for something to happen, I would recommend being more proactive. For one thing, your prediction could become a self fulfilling prophecy if you assume it will happen, because you are bound to let this change the way you interact with her.
As others have said, you really need to open communication. Do not ask anything like "Is this about my gender issues?" You will come across as self absorbed. Instead, just be caring, and let her know that you are concerned about what has her down. Don't push though. She'll have to open up to her on her own free will.
Oh, and on a side note, holidays are a depressing time for many of us. A reminder of fleeting time, of mortality. Its probably especially so for mothers, watching their children grow, remembering past christmases, with their children so innocent and happy when the family was a little younger.
PS: I keep promising myself that since I'm perpetually single and totally clueless relationship was, that I'm going to quit making comments like this, always stating the obvious, but sometimes I can't help it. You must admit I've been more quiet lately though. LOL
Leslie, I can only add what others have said. When having discusions with my wife I find that it's not always about my issues.
ReplyDeleteTalking can help a lot - and as others have also said - just be there for her.
I know it's easy sa an outsider to make comments and suggestions so I'll close with:
Good luck!
The shaved legs for me was the beginning of the unspoken demise. I told her I wanted to do it. She did not say no, but then as soon as I did all affection vaporized. Too weird was what she said.
ReplyDeleteToday I do not have her anymore, but I still have my smooth legs, funny thing about those, I will be keeping them regardless of what else happens in the future.
S.
Well after our little talk, it seems like the reality is pretty clear to me. I'm sure you're likely flailing away at the keyboard on that next post, but I gotta go beddy bye. I sent you a rather lengthy email ;)
ReplyDeleteThe beginning of the end... a couple of women said it here. That's quite so often what our wives fear when they allow something so simple to happen. Pandora's Box? Slippery slope? Maybe not to us, but to them it's everything.
Keep the HUGS coming.