Alright, settle in for a slightly happier tale than most of late.
The wife spoke to me just over two weeks ago about hating everything that I was doing, regarding the TG stuff. That she notices much and hates all that she notices. I think I failed to mention the most cutting thing she said (an oversight!). She said that she had come to realize that not all of my embraces were about how sexy I think she is, or how much I love her. She had begun to recognize some hugs as me clinging to her like a lifeline. I didn't realize that this was a secret from her. What's wrong with that? Better or worse, right? I'm not allowed to feel vulnerable? Or, at least, not supposed to demonstrate it?
Okay, that's not the happier stuff, as you may have guessed. I just wanted to record that before I go on. I need to monsterfy her sometimes before I cut her some slack.
There has been a blatant (I thought) lack of affection since the talk. Today, however, after I took my boy to a scouting event in the afternoon and evening, she was very lovey and demonstrative. She wanted to go out, dress up a little, spend some quality time. She pointedly asked me before we left whether certain requisite items were stocked in the bedside table. Well, I knew where this night was going!
We had a nice meal and good conversation. When we got back out to the car, she planted a big kiss on me. The rest I'll leave to your fantasies.
I guess what I'm wondering is what I've been witnessing the last two weeks. Was there in fact a withholding of affection, or were other stresses besides me to blame? The fight with the school system was escalating during the period, culminating in a big meeting Thursday. Perhaps major stress plays on her moods the same way it would on me. Heaven knows that I withdraw regularly when I start sensing the end of my rope is near. Should I attribute the same fallabilities, the same humanity, to her actions? In this case, I think I must.
So, for now, the paranoia is back under control. See? Happier.
Musings: It's All About Community
5 hours ago
I loved this post, Leslie. Yes, it appears that "other stresses" are to blame for your frustrations over the past few weeks.
ReplyDeleteI so understand and, while I don't discuss some personal stuff in my blog, I think I have related to you how "other stresses" have also affected my wife and her tolerance of my issues. But, I understand and recognize these stresses she has gone through and I continue to express my love for her in more ways than I can count.
So glad to read this one.
Calie xxx
"Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you." -- Fox Mulder
ReplyDeleteParanoia is a self-defense mechanism. I see nothing wrong with a little of it, as long as it doesn't get out of hand. When you start thinking the government is surveilling you for suspected alien activity in your home... well, then you should curtail it a bit. ;)
Seriously, I'm glad you had a wonderful time with your wife, and I hope there's many more in store. Great post. :)
Leslie, your posts are always full of energy, and this one is no different. I am glad that for the time being things have gotten a bit better. All my best
ReplyDeleteJessica