Whose Life Is It Anyway?

"To be myself completely, I've just got to let you down" --Belle and Sebastian

The elation didn't last long. We had a big fundraiser to attend tonight, black tie optional. These sorts of gatherings are hard for me anyway, but more so this time, as I knew that dressing up and going out and drinking would necessitate the big reveal of my legs. She was feeling sexy, and my stomach was churning, anticipating the coming confrontation.

She bought me a pair of satiny lounge pants earlier in the day, and she wanted me to model them for her when we got home. I told her she might not like what's going on under my pants. She became very agitated when I told her what I had done. She couldn't believe that I would do this with the stress that she's under. I pointed out that I'm stressed also, and this was my way of dealing with it. I told her that there are two people in our marriage, both having feelings and needs. She thinks that I always do what I want, and it's never enough.

She shut down and went to sleep pretty quickly. It's hard to tell if this will be a long term rift (my best guess) or will blow over quickly. I do not regret taking the hair off my legs. It feels different than I expected, but wonderful. I can stand to look at myself now, kinda fascinated really. I did not apologize to her. This is the one short window of the year when I can do this, and I may as well be John Lennon waiting for a Green Card if I wait for her permission.

She sees this as yet another betrayal of her trust. Whether that's a breaking point, I'll find out soon. I keep stirring up the hornets' nest, never figuring out that I get stung every time