Not Bloody Likely

I'm starting to think like a single girl. Tonight, I am fully decked out at home, as the wife and kids are away for the night. It's comforting to me to think that soon, all my nights could look like this.

We have an appointment with my counselor on Monday. My wife will be grilling her about the direction of my therapy. She wants to find out if a divorce is in order. I have concluded that it is, though I haven't shared that yet. I know that I have to explore the feelings and urges inside me.

I know, too, that these actions are completely intolerable to the missus. She said we need to find some middle ground, but didn't define what that might look like. I'm sure it involves me reforesting my legs, and perhaps undoing some other things that I have regarded as progress. This is a place I don't want to go. And she is adamant about me not taking this any further. Middle ground, schmiddle ground.

The complete lack of affection that I have tolerated for two weeks has allowed me to distance myself from the marriage emotionally. The thought of ending it gets easier every day. There's no outright hostility, but it's clear to me that she will not resume physical contact until we get this resolved. And I don't think it will be resolved.

So now I'm contemplating life alone, out in the big world. We have often joked that we couldn't afford to divorce, but it's only funny because it's true. I think I'll have to have a roommate of some sort, and with my proclivities, it would seem that a TG person is the only real possibility. That narrows the field considerably(!). One big positive is that I'll never have to dress at my support meeting once I'm out of here. I can arrive and leave in the fashion I have longed to, as the person I know myself to be in my heart. I was fully prepared to forego a lot of the feminization that I desired, but if I'm on my own, I'll have far less reason to abstain. I'm already thinking about getting permission to start spiro, to negate the effects of these male hormones without developing secondary female characteristics. That's my middle ground.

The wife doesn't really know it yet, but she's opening the door of opportunity wide. The last time we got this close to divorce, I fought my way back into the marriage. This time, there's many more positives in leaving for good. I'm sure I'll have some big news to report Monday night.