Warning--Humorless Post

I visited the therapist today, and I found more to talk about than I expected to. This week has been a real struggle for me, especially the work hours. Usually (and granted, it's a small sample size), the dysphoria doesn't become unbearable till late summer into October. The end of June is way too early to be dealing with this, because there are just no easy solutions at this time of year.

For now, the kids are home all the time. My middle daughter has become the night owl that I am, up reading into the wee hours. My oldest's assistant is around the house much of the day. I was very(!) fortunate to have gotten a Leslie opportunity last weekend, as I don't see another any time soon. Privacy is practically nonexistent. This also means that I have little chance of talking to Mrs. Leslie about any of this.

Oddly enough, I feel like discussing these things with her. She has exhibited some concern for me recently, which makes me think that she would be open to talk on the subject. We talk about her stressors all the time. I'd like a turn. I continue to worry that Mrs. L is going through the motions, trying to be connected by acting connected. She broadsided me with that in April, and now I'm forever leery. I deeply regret that she shared that secret with me, because it has poisoned the well for me.

I was kind of mopey in therapy today, as all this is taking a toll on me. I normally perk up for my sessions, as it's always a bright spot, talking about myself for an hour. My blog is the only other place I get to do that! M asked me how I picture things in my future. I thought a long time. I can see myself living as female away from work. The rub is that I cannot reconcile this with living with Mrs. Leslie. I am incapable of imagining her accepting any form of this goal. The two most important things in my life, my family and my identity, are completely incompatible. I don't see a way to connect them and live happily ever after.

Okay, that's all the self pity you have endure here tonight. Thanks for reading, ladies.