I think I just have a problem with holidays. Christmas always gets me out of sorts, but I usually chalk it up to all the extra responsibility of buying things we can't afford and getting them packaged on deadline. Maybe there's more to it.
Frankly, Father's Day did the same thing to me emotionally, and now Independence Day. I've been depressed and dysphoric, not wanting to be with others, and hating being alone. Not many options other than those...
We went to our lame-ass parade today, as we do every year. Lots of politicians, as it is an election year. Only a few bands, one a bagpipe outfit, and a couple of community bands that play each year. This year, my wife and second daughter marched in a community band. My girl played clarinet, my wife was a flag girl. Pretty cool, but it meant I had full responsibility for my daughter with autism, which I have a lot of trouble handling. We got through it, but it wasn't all pleasant, and it left me in a mood.
On a happier note, we did not go into the multitudes to see the fireworks. We watched from Mrs. Leslie's work, so much more peaceful and intimate. I'd prefer this any year.
Afterward, knowing that all the special stuff was completed, I began to relax. I think I'm probably wrapped too tight most times anyway, but holidays make me as taut as a guitar string. I have long believed that my daughter's autism comes more from me and my family. Removing me from my routine causes me a lot of stress, a common symptom of autism. A holiday is, by definition, a change in routine. The greater the expectations, the more likely I am to have a meltdown. Will recognizing this in myself help me deal with it? Don't count on it, but I'll have some excuse to point to.
A wood and two roads
11 hours ago
I am with you on holidays, especially the christmas on and the present giving competition! Why does nobody give presents from the heart? I hated getting anything useless and soon made it clear that nothing was preferable to that.
ReplyDeleteGetting out of normal routine just lets the mind spill out all over the place! Has your therapist ever suggested hypnosis? My wife was put through a stressful phase by incompetent management and dealt with it with hypnosis and it let her survive till the idiots moved on to torment others!
Interesting post on gd. to come soon from me.
Caroline xxx
Glad to hear you are feeling better, now that the holiday has passed. I know what you mean about being taken out of your routine. I always stress out when I'm taken out of my routine too, especially if I don't have time to plan for it. My late sister had a bad habit of not telling me until the last minute, that she wanted me to join them for dinner 45 miles away. It used to drive me crazy. If she would have just given me a couple days notice, I could have prepared my mind for the disruption in my routine.
ReplyDeleteI had to laugh at your "lame ass parade" remark. I know just what you mean. We get used to seeing big parades like Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in NYC, or the Rose Bowl Parade on New Years Day. By comparison, a little hometown parade does seem pretty lame. I've been to a few here in Va. The Apple Blossom Festival Parade in Winchester once had Howard Cosell as the Grand Marshal, followed by a couple of high school marching bands and of course the Shriners. They seem to show up at every parade, dressed in their Ali Baba getups, and driving their little miniature Corvettes in figure 8's.