Sunday evening kinda snuck up on me. My boy went off in the afternoon to sleep over at a friend's house. Mrs. Leslie took my middle daughter with her to work in the evening. That left me home alone with my oldest.
Initially, I was thinking of it as an opportunity to bleach my arm hair without interruption. Yet, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to stretch out a bit.
You will remember my daughter's autism, which means that she really doesn't seem to care about appearances. Social norms are something that must be taught in a concrete way, so there is much she does not comprehend. I hope this doesn't come across as callous, but I decided that there was no harm in dressing in her presence. I know her very well, and I did not think it would make a whit of difference to her. By the time she went to bed, I was completely dolled up. She gave me some curious looks, as if something were amiss, but she wasn't upset by it.
Anyway, I got to spend three or so hours as my preferred self, walking around the house, making dinner, answering emails. All the things I would be doing if I got to live like this. Soooo satisfying, made the more so because I won't be attending my meeting this Saturday. Lexington's Independence Day stuff is on Saturday the 3rd, in order not to piss off the Big Guy, I guess. Silly humans. I would think God would like to sit back on a Sunday and enjoy the fireworks display.
Saturday night, Mrs. Leslie and I went out to dinner. She commented at one point that she couldn't believe that I was going to eat my entire plate of pasta. I answered that I was making myself fat because of my self-loathing. It was a flip answer, though not altogether untrue. I'm ten pounds heavier than I want to be, and moving in the wrong direction, mostly due to comfort foods in large quantities.
Sunday night, as I was working at the computer, she came up behind me, put her arms over my shoulders, and asked about what I had said. She wondered if I really was hating myself. I said that it was the dysphoria talking, and pointed out that I was suffering from gammus hideosum. She laughed at the idea, and wondered if bleaching my legs was a possibility. I told her that I thought it would be cost prohibitive and time-consuming, and she wondered about hydrogen peroxide. I don't honestly know how it is used, but I suppose I should look into it. That's what the internet is for, after all.
I'm hoping that my Leslie time tonight can stave off the dysphoria for awhile. It's still a long bit till the first weekend in August, the next meeting date. I need to have this sort of time at home on a regular basis.
Musings: It's All About Community
5 hours ago
Branching off what you said about your autistic daughter not caring too much about appearances - I don't know if you're aware of it, but a higher than average proportion of the Asperger population identifies as trans. Theories abound, but most agree part of it is to do with the fact that they're already marginalized and so not conforming to gender stereotypes isn't a big stretch. (Also, that any degree of autism is a shift to the 'masculine' end of the spectrum, so female-born Aspies find identifying as FtM quite natural)
ReplyDeleteYou don't mention it, but I assume your wife was/is unaware of you getting "dolled up" while your daughter was there?
Ooooo, Leslie got some Leslie time. How cool.
ReplyDeleteOn the peroxide front, my experience with it is that it will take many many times washing the hair with it before it will bleach out. (assuming the 3% store stuff, and I highly recommend not using anything stronger.) But eventually the hair will lighten.
One option you might consider is a kit for doing a whole head of hair rather than the Sally H. facial kits, that might be more economical and effective on the legs.
Otherwise I can only suggest selective plucking to thin things out. The self torture should help ameliorate your gammus hideosum.
Have a great holiday!
Sylvia
So glad you got some Leslie time. I know how important that is in maintaining your sanity! I just don't get Mrs. Leslie's obsession with you not shaving your legs, but being okay with letting you bleach it. It's only leg hair for goodness sakes, and no one will notice or care if you shave your legs, if that's what she's so worried about. Anyway, take care and hang in there.
ReplyDeleteRebecca
@ Rebecca
ReplyDeleteYou know, I like the way a man's hairy legs feel against my body at night, or in the morning...or whenever they happen to brush up against me. Now granted, Leslie's body is her own domain and it's her choice, not her wife's, as to what she does with it. But if we're trying to understand why her wife has a problem, it may just be that she's protecting something she derives pleasure from.
Though it's probably more about the symbolism of what it represents. If my boyfriend wanted to shave his legs, I'd be upset, but I'd deal. If he wanted to shave his legs because he was actually a woman inside, that would be something entirely different.
As Sylvia noted, the 3% solution that you typically find at drugstores is pretty effective only after lots of preparation. And let it be noted that it will also temporarily lighten the color of the skin on your legs, as well.
ReplyDeleteJust take comfort that genetic girls also have nasty dark-hair problems. Blech.