Sometimes one just has to admire the way the universe works. Some delicious irony dribbled on us today (well, on Mrs. Leslie actually). First, a few facts to set things up.
I've written before about my oldest child, who has a fairly advanced case of autism. Late last year, we finally got approved for state Medicaid benefits. This includes a budget for certified assistants for my daughter, essentially giving us parents some respite. For the last five months or so, we have been fortunate to have an aide that had great rapport with our daughter, and was very pleasant to be around. That was balanced by a propensity for lateness, unannounced absences, undependable transportation, and difficulty reaching her. A mixed bag, to be sure, but we liked her. Then the agency that provided her found that she was turning in hours for days when she didn't make it in to work. That's a firing offense, and that's what happened.
So, we were left without an assistant. Today, we got a temporary replacement. Mrs. Leslie called to tell me that she believes that this young woman is transgendered. My wife wanted to know, firstly, whether I might know this young lady. I didn't know her by name or description, so I'm guessing she hasn't been coming to support meetings. No help there.
Then the real question, should this woman be trusted with my daughter's intimate care? The previous worker would sometimes assist with my daughter's showers, and with toileting. I explained to her that if this woman is transgendered and employed as a woman, then she is full time at the least, and probably on her way to more. If she does have a penis, she likely has no fondness for it, nor any desire to use it in any fashion. I tried to explain that she is living as a woman and thinks like one. A pervert is not going to go to these lengths to get access to vulnerable children.
Though it was a serious conversation, I had to hide my amusement that my wife was going to have to come to grips with the reality of the trans world. She is finally going to get acquainted with a real person living the life. She is too polite to reject this woman, so she will have to decide how to deal with her. There will be eggshells to walk on, and this will only be a couple weeks, but this has the potential to put a human face on my situation. I hope the young lady proves herself to be caring and responsible. I also hope that Mrs. Leslie learns a degree of empathy for a group that she has marginalized in the past.
Mysterious ways, indeed....
Musings: It's All About Community
5 hours ago
Fantastic! There is nothing like familiarity to break down barriers.
ReplyDeleteI understand your wife's reservations. Seems to be the popular social paradigm of a false reality. A perverted man in woman's clothes trying to get close to children. Absurd as we know it to be, the sensationalist media does it's best to promote that kind of falsehood. So, like it or not, we are all advocates and representatives of the transgendered community. Casting a positive light on ourselves and our brothers and sisters through our actions and behaviors will be what finally brings the truth to the masses.
ReplyDeleteThis could really turn out to be a wonderful situation. Hoping this assistant turns out to be one of the true gems among us. :)
Peace,
<3 Tina
What are the odds here? You have an interesting life Leslie...
ReplyDeleteI think I would be more worried if the agency had sent over a priest.
Well handled, and a nice feeling to be thought of as the domain expert on any matter by ones spouse, is it not? And I do hope that you find a great assistant pronto
Yes, this was indeed a delicious post.
ReplyDeleteI think you answered the question well and, I certainly understand your wife's reason for asking.
Transwomen - those who are in transition or have transitioned - are not to be feared. They simply want to go on with their lives and fade into normality.
Calie xxx
Interesting as it is to speculate on where this may lead, don't disregard the possibility that Mrs L. may be wrong in her assessment. Her transdar right now is probably tuned to its highest sensitivity rating.
ReplyDeleteOr the two weeks may go by without knowing one way or the other. I'm sure this young woman fears being outed in the workplace - which is what it would be if either of you confronted her. And in a caregiving profession, I doubt she'd be inclined to self-disclose spontaneously. So what are you going to do? Leave a copy of "True Selves" strategically on the coffee table and see if she reacts?
I was at a party a few nights ago, work-related, with none of the people I knew there related to the LGBT community. One woman, a stranger to me, had a lower pitched voice than most of the men present. Did I wonder? Of course. Did I do anything to find out for sure either way? Of course not. It was none of my business.
There's a lot of import and interest here.
ReplyDeleteRegardless of whether she is or isn't trans, the fact your wife perceives her as possibly being so has forced her to think about some things, and given you an opportunity to educate. These seem like good things to me. Although, I do kind of feel of bad for the assistant, ignorant though she may be of the proceedings.
On a deeper level, this whole thing is incredibly frustrating to me. What's happening here is at the very heart of prejudice, which is to say, something about the assistant's appearance provoked a judgment from your wife. Not her skills or abilities, or her personality, just something about the way she looks and perhaps acts. And it's not entirely your wife's fault; discrimination against trans people is deep and our enemies/media/porn industry have done a good job of misrepresenting us to the mainstream public. It's good that you were there to advocate for the assistant, regardless of her genetic status, but it's infinitely disappointing to me that in the 21rst century we still haven't figured out that judging a book by its cover is bad.
And to take that one step further, I think this incident is exemplary of the next battle we're going to see in our own civil rights movement. As more and more trans people become visible, the general public's awareness (transdar, as Liz called it) is going to increase. That's going to catch a certain number of people - both trans and cis - in its net. And until we have complete civil rights equality, those people are going to have to prove their legal gender to enjoy certain privileges. For those who can't, privileges may be denied (sounds a bit like a trans version of Arizona's "papers please" law, but hopefully without the incarceration part). And if that seems unlikely, don't forget we've already seen rumblings of this with the new version of ENDA, wherein Barney Frank has talked about codifying "consistent gender presentation" and denying full restroom rights to those whose genitals are different from those around them.
Thanks for the post Leslie...very provocative stuff!