I Must Be Up To No Good

My wife occasionally slips up and expresses some interest in my internal life. Sometimes curiosity, sometimes accusation.

Yesterday, she spoke with one of her friends about Second Life. I know next to nothing about it myself, and my wife knows even less. I have read on blogs by Jill and Veronique, and maybe Sharon (memory comes and goes), that it was very useful to them in learning some of the social skills involved in being female in our society.

The missus, though, sees danger in people portraying anyone other than their "real" selves online. She assumes that there is a sleazy element, people cruising for virtual sex, or molesters, or I don't know what. The point is that she is highly suspicious of people's motives in these circumstances. I think this extends beyond the internet into the real world. She sees me and my friends as being duplicitous, trying to fool others into believing we are something that we are not. I wonder if she is afraid of clowns.

I spend about three hours online after work most nights. While sharing her opinions on Second Life, she asked me if I was involved in Second Life late at night when I should be sleeping. I told her the general truth about my activities, that I'm writing and reading. Blogs and emails. She wants to believe that something scandalous is going on, I think. I guess some of the content I write and read might scandalize her, but she's an easy mark.

I wish that I didn't feel so compelled to sit at the computer so much. However, my "second life" as Leslie is largely nonexistent in the corporeal world. One evening a month, plus underdressing, is the full extent of Leslie outside the ether. My only room for expansion is online. And so, I tear myself away from the TV-typewriter with great reluctance each night, stepping away from the only place where I am me. It's the place that I feel most alive, and I long to return when I'm away.