This Note's For You

I'm happy to report that handing the note to my wife wasn't required. After the family took me out for Mexican, she invited to the basement to talk while she did laundry. She was pleasantly surprised that I was concerned about communication. She says she's been conditioned recently to think that wanting to talk means I want to make some drastic change in my physical appearance, a la removing all body hair. So, we talked.

I told her that I'd put it off as long as I could, but it was killing me to hold it in. She laughed when I said that I was trying to achieve some feeling of normality, calling that unlikely in my case. She asked if I was going to pick her brain about fashion tips or my winter palette. I said maybe. She cried hard thinking about her sister's death in March, so many tasks still left undone. We discussed the note she dropped on me on my birthday, saying it still pretty much sums up her feelings and worries. We talked at length about my recent bout with depression. I told her that I've decided to go with bleaching my arm hair, given the debacle with shaving my upper arms.

In short, we had a good, long, calm give and take about where things are. There's still plenty that went unmentioned. I'm glad I didn't have to divulge the blog, as I'm not sure she would approve of airing dirty laundry. I didn't tell her about my wig purchase last week. Really, she doesn't want to know stuff that would upset her. But she says the door has always been open to talk about my friends and the like. I beg to differ, but if she wants to believe that, I'll let her.

Not perfect, but a real step forward that could ease tensions on my end. I'll continue to try hard not to upset her, because her emotional plate is very full. I don't want to be a burden to her. Just an equal partner.