The Bitch Is Back

Well, I guess I was a little out of control there. In guy-mode, for me, self-control is everything. No one ever accuses me of spontaneity.

But after being worried about my decreasing sense of being female for several weeks, it came back to me in a rush. Leslie is back and ready to rock!

The trigger was two feature-length pieces on All Things Considered last week. The subject was Gender Identity Disorder in children. Here are the links for the two stories:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90247842
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90273278

These stories hit me hard, bringing back lots of feelings from my own childhood. This really brought out my emotional side, still in mint condition from lack of use. I've decided that the main difference between my male and female selves is the presence or absence of emotion. When I'm in my guy mind, I've always felt others' pain, but really couldn't fathom what I was feeling. In my Leslie mind, I feel highs and lows, joy and sorrow, but I do feel. When I achieve Leslie-ness, I know I'm in my right mind.

And so, these emotion-fraught stories kicked the girl back into the center ring of my psychic circus, where I would like her to stay. Even when I'm saddened by something, there's a twinge of happiness beneath it, because I'm just thrilled not being dead inside.

Then, Saturday night, I took the kids to Target to shop for their mother. I really enjoyed spending time in the shoe and women's departments. But it was hard to shop, because I wanted to be shopping for myself. I'm beginning to get the whole shopping thing. Imagining myself in the things I see is a big endorphin rush.

And finding those clothes at home sent me totally over the top. Today, I feel female, and I'm gonna revel in it.