Thanks for all the nice comments and emails. I am feeling noticeably better now.
My therapy session was lacking any breakthroughs, but very productive. We stayed exclusively on the recent dysphoria and upset. There were a few items of note, outside the relief of just talking things over.
"M" hates labels as a rule, but she's in a business that requires such things. She asked me whether I feel more like a crossdresser or transsexual. She's asked this from time to time over the years, and I'm sure is comparing answers. I told her that this week, it seems to be largely about the clothes. I am feeling an urgency about my presentation that trumps any gender consideration. But I told her that it's like the difference between climate and weather. I'm having a little storm right now, but we need to look at average temperatures to assess things properly. And, long term, I said I see myself being full-time non-op. Not that it will happen, it's just how I picture things being resolved. Should that image ever bear fruit, I imagine that surgery would start looking appealing. I just don't see it from here.
Another thing that likely changed my mood was picking up my package from Soma. M has had it at her office since Monday. Soma was having one of their big clearance sales last week and I had to indulge myself. I got two panties, one cotton, one microfiber (in red!), for $3 each, and a stretchy nude camisole for $7. If my transition ever happens, I think I should try to marry a camisole supplier. I have gone loopy for them. I must have fifteen, and they are a regular part of my underdressing now.
No action yet on the bare leg detection front. Trauma teams are standing by.
Musings: It's All About Community
5 hours ago
In my case the traume team has several syptic pencils cause I always manage to knick myself no matter how careful I am (same with the face too).
ReplyDeleteThe label question thing must be something that they teach therapists in school. Mine asks the same question every so often too. I like your analogy to the climate/weather, most appropriate.
Hugs, Elly
Camisoles are lovely. I tend to wear them on weekends in place of the sports bra that keeps me...less obvious...and is far less comfortable.
ReplyDeleteAs far as labels, we tend to get hung up on those things...looking for something that defines us. Be yourself as defined by who you are and what you do. Don't worry about the name for it. So long as it's not Deacon Blues, I think you'll be okay.
xoxo
I love me some cami! I wear some of them as tanks sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're still in therapy. It helps so much, doesn't it? I've been kinda cranky lately, so something may be up. I've been unable to find a therapist over here that both specializes in GID and takes my insurance, so I guess I'll have to get a "normal" one. I'm not too thrilled about that, so I've been dragging my feet about it.
Just wanted to send you a hug!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what it is about camisoles and slips. And I really don't care!
ReplyDeleteI periodically shave arms and legs and my wife notices because she knows to look for it. No-one else has ever said a word. And I'm going to see if I can get my hands waxed in preparation for Halloween.