Over the weekend, the missus and I were celebrating our anniversary. 24 years. Obviously, we were married at age 10, perfectly permissible in Kentucky, ya know. Okay, we married young, but not that young. We didn't need parental permission to wed, though we did ignore some parental advice.
Twenty-four years is a long time, in case you didn't know. Marriage is sometimes bliss, sometimes a mutual non-killing pact. We're much closer to bliss at the moment, thankfully. We spent a lot of time at the other end of the spectrum. I hope those days are done.
She's become quite the wine drinker of late, so I bought her a bottle as a gift. My therapist had mentioned a merlot called Little Black Dress, and I agreed that the name alone would have a lot of meaning. She was surprised by her gift. In recent years, she's come to expect a card and flowers on our anniversary, so this showed exponentially more thought, if about the same expense. She definitely got the warm fuzzies from it (even before she started drinking!).
She hasn't given me a gift. In fact, she didn't give me anything for birthday in April, or for Father's Day. She keeps mentioning a DVR, and I keep saying, in as gentle a way as possible, that I have no interest in a DVR. That is something that she wants for the household. I learned long ago not to give her a cookbook or a vacuum cleaner on her birthday. She made it clear that practical is not part of the birthday equation, unless it has been specifically called for by the recipient.
So, now I am trying to convey to her that I want something impractical. I've written in this space about her desire to buy me a necklace or earrings, yet she's not following through at the perfect opportunity. I want to be subtle. I don't want to let on how huge it would be to me if she got me some pretty sandals, or a nice handbag, or, I don't know, My Pretty Pony. Anything that would acknowledge my feminine streak. She knows that I want something like that. She apologized for wearing shoes that I envied when we went out for a nice meal Sunday night. She knows. Do I have to say it aloud? Why is she acting like she's clueless? She knows. This is so frustrating.
Otherwise, a wonderful milestone passed, with many more to come. She is truly becoming more beautiful and open, bringing out better parts of me. Must...not...screw...things...up...
A wood and two roads
11 hours ago
I know the feeling. I keep asking my wife to get me something femme when she wants to give me a gift. So, what did I get for father's day?...a $170 top of the line Bosch jigsaw...lol. Oh well, I needed one anyway...my other one got stolen last fall.
ReplyDeleteI will say that she has been nice about letting me buy things when we go shopping together at Kohl's, Wal-Mart, etc. Last weekend we both bought new bras at Wal-Mart...lol. I still wonder if the checkout lady noticed the two different sizes...a 40C and a 50dd. When we got home I just had to try it on and wear it around the house (with forms) the rest of the day. She just said "you're so cute." See what you have to look forward to some day? Good luck girl...I think that was an excellent choice for her. Don't doubt for a second that she missed the name of that wine...and it's double meaning. :)Suzi
The gifting thing for her is probably an obstacle. She'll work through it in her own time. Of course, "working through it" may mean she decides that's something she doesn't want to do, but who knows...based on what you've said here, she does seem to be gaining a certain comfort level with everything.
ReplyDeleteOn a sidenote, I'm not sure how I lived without my DVR. Those were some primitive times.
We call it the machine for watching TV. you never have to watch TV again. At least no when THEY want you too or even at their pace. Skip ads and trails, save hours of your life for doing other interesting stuff. Tell her to buy it but make sure that next time you don't want practical either.
ReplyDeletePS, you can record "T" films and documentaries at the touch of a button and save them for all time!
Caroline XX
Girlfriend, you are becoming as impatient as a certain other friend of mine. "Gotta-have-it-now!
ReplyDeleteWhy not buy the darn DVR yourself. Maybe SHE wants a DVR so she can record all of those great TG documentaries.
Seriously, you have made a lot of progress in the past several weeks. It takes time, as we all know.
Congratulations to both of you on your 24 years.
Calie xxx
WooHoo on the 24 yrs! 36 for us.(she was 16 1/2, I was 19)
ReplyDeleteI started receiving girl gifts from my wife about 30 yrs. ago. She always got me one thing, along with the boy stuff since. But of all the gifts the I have received from her, the best was 2 yrs. ago for my birthday just after I went full time. It was a card in an envelope marked 'Steph'. I have it and the one from this yr. in a frame sitting next to my computer.
Hugs, Stephanie
Congrats on 36 years! Wow that is a lonnnngg time! I agree with what Renee said above. Getting the gifts you want from your wife will probably take some more time. It might seem very odd for her to buy such things for you. It's a big step, but it will come. In the meantime, you could stretch the boundaries of subtlety in the following ways:
ReplyDelete1) Leave an internet browsers open and the monitor on, with a pair of earrings on some website.
2) Say things like, "I'm going to take out the earrings... uhhh I mean trash! Yeah yeah, trash."
3) Have a "fake" conversation on the phone while your wife is in the room. "I saw the most beautiful earrings the other day. My GAWD!"
Just some ideas. ;)
Before you rule out the DVR as a present, think about this...
ReplyDeleteYou would never have to hear the words "Sham Wow!" again. I know, it sells itself!
Happy 24th to you cute lovebirds. :)
Thanks for all the input!
ReplyDelete@Calie--Whaddya mean, "Gotta-have-it-now"? For heaven's sake, I've been waiting since April for a B-day present!
@Renee & Caroline & Shandy--Outside of Lost, I don't think I've watched any new TV since the death of analog. We are cablefree and proud! I watched Lost a day late online, otherwise blogworld is my leisure suite.
@Amy--Marvelous suggestions, but too subtle to work with my wife!
@Steph--I would treasure anything that she had blessed with my chosen name.
Happy belated anniversary.
ReplyDeleteOh I heart Little Black Dress Merlot. Good choice! That's the secret tyo good gift giving. Find something that they wouldn't buy for themselves, and that really reflects some thought and knowledge of them. You done good!
Now God willing she'll get the hint, and oh, I don't know, do something. I'm sorry she's skipped three on you, has she been hitting the Testosterone when you're not around?