"Some things you never get used to,
Even though you're feeling like another man"
"High Fidelity" Elvis Costello
I suspect people are puzzled by that last post, not that anyone said anything. I'm wondering if that is what a psychotic break looks like. Just my usual dour, sober self, then an abrupt left turn into lunacy. I've long known my inner girl, but now I have to deal with an inner whackjob as well. We're running out of space in here! And I don't have a third closet for a collection of straight jackets. I had a hell of a headache after spending three hours bringing blog posts over one at a time from Yahoo. So, I'll just stick with that excuse.
When my wife is under great stress, I tend to start craving attention, and negative attention will do in a pinch. This is one of those times, as we are fighting against the local high school about my oldest daughter's education (special needs issues). Times of high stress have preceded most of the marital blowups recently, as I do something that pushes the envelope, like the surprise shaving of the legs, and then all hell breaks loose. I am building up a head of steam internally, fixating more and more on my gender issues, but not saying anything about it to the missus. She doesn't need anything else to deal with right now, so this blog is my principal outlet. Therapy on Thursday can't hurt either.
I've been thinking about our contract, which expires April 10th. She hasn't mentioned creating a new one, and I won't bring it up. But if she should, I have finally thought of something to require of her. I want her to start referring to my transgendered friends by either their chosen names or their preferred gender pronouns. When she's feeling charitable, it's "that person. " When she's down on the whole T thing, it's "him" or "that man." Never a female name or pronoun. She's never met any of my friends, and is suspicious of many of them, but the willful disrespect that she shows is deeply offensive to me. I know we're a long way from her using my name, but she loses nothing by respecting my friends.
Musings: It's All About Community
5 hours ago
Congratulations on getting everything moved over. 72 entries in 2008!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that the stresses are building back up. But Trans-Kentucky is coming up. So you get some time to be yourself!
Take a deep breath, and take a moment, and read some blogs. We all share some of the same issues.
ReplyDeleteI was at a drab lunch the other day with about six others. Most of their wives, including mine, did not even know they were at the lunch. For most of them, it just was not worth the stress of explaining why we trans folks need the company of each other. In my case, my wife did not know but I don't think she would have had an issue. She has met a few of my friends and knows them by their given names. She is about to meet one of my friends who is full-time.