Everything Old Is New Again

I think the primary theme of this (almost) six years of blog is deja vu.  History keeps repeating itself.  The names and situations shift a little, but the conflict follows predictable plot lines.

My previous entry was a breath of minty-fresh air.  If I had followed up quickly, I could've stretched it into a series of upbeat posts.  Couples counseling was uneventful after I did my reveal to my daughter, and I managed not to use the words "told you so" or "nanny-nanny-boo-boo" when describing my feelings about the success of the venture.

But all is not well.

My daughter has continued to have her college problems, combined with severe depression.  We finally got her to a psychiatrist last week.  We had been seeing a nurse practitioner for her meds previously, and were not satisfied with the results (or the difficulty getting an appointment, even when the meds weren't helping).  The shrink was terrific, took his time getting to know her and the problems, and let her decide the direction of treatment.  She is now on Zoloft, like her parents, and her mood is visibly better after just a few days.  She still won't do her school assignments, but one victory at a time, right?

Another major stressor here has been my wife's oldest sister.  You may recall her as the sister that knows my secret and is quite supportive.  Well, she has a lot of mental issues, primarily bipolar and ADHD, and she stopped paying her bills last March.  This includes a mortgage, extensive medical bills, and the taxman.  We finally learned of all this around September, and everyone has been scrambling since.  She tells me that she thinks constantly of suicide, but won't because of how traumatic it would be to her parents, nieces, and nephews.  Not a great reason to carry on, but it'll do.

My wife is deeply involved in this, and she tends to vent about it.  I have told her several times that I don't care to hear her critical remarks about her sister.  I've heard it repeatedly, and it is toxic.  I don't want to play anymore.  Last night, I barked at her on the phone.  A flurry of texts followed, calling me unsupportive and lacking in empathy.  No, I just disagree with the rudeness toward her sister, and I am allowed to disagree.  I will quote my favorite part of the convo:

She:  I am not trying to provoke you. I am telling you how it feels to have conditions & limitations put on me as to what I am permitted to talk about with my spouse.
Me:  Put those same words into my mouth please.  That is my life story. Get down off the cross.

We are barely speaking tonight, and I am fine with that.  She needs to understand that I have stress too, and I rarely get a chance to discuss or vent it.  I don't regret firing the first shot, though when it all blew up, my initial response was, "And the next day, he received the divorce papers."  No LOLs forthcoming.

So, the long Cold War is once again a hot war.