Colder Indoors Than Out

I misspoke at the end of the last post.  We have gone from a cold war to a VERY cold war.

The silent treatment is a real rarity for my wife. It has happened in short spurts before, but always leading up to a big confrontation/accusation.  She quietly took herself to bed a moment ago, which surprised me.  We had set up a couples session for Wednesday, but I noticed earlier on our wall calendar that only her name is written for the appointment now.  I suppose this is a subtle message to me that she intends to go alone.  It would seem to be an excellent time for an impartial party to hear our grievances, but so be it.  Wish I still had my own counselor.  I could use a sounding board.

Divorce is the word that keeps running through my thoughts.  I don't really know how it could play out, but I would not oppose the idea.  I don't even feel all that threatened by the idea of having my secret life revealed malevolently.  Shame is not a big factor for me any longer.  Certainly not to the point that it would sway me.  Plus, I think she would remain intent on keeping that issue away from our son's view.

I sound really blase, don't I?  I don't mean to. 

I feel enormously stressed, preoccupied.  Being passive is second nature to me, and taking the reins here doesn't feel right.  Plus, you know that I am conflict-averse.  Why invite a fight when avoiding one is easier?  This feels like a winding down of our rocky journey.  We are both stubborn asses.