I am getting closer to sharing my sartorial quirkiness with my daughter. Not visually (yet), but telling her. She came to me last weekend as I was watching Doctor Who on Netflix. She had her laptop in hand, wanting to show me something.
She was sharing a page about demisexuality. After much gnashing of teeth, she has decided that this is the label that fits her sexual orientation. A demisexual is someone that only feels a sexual attraction after an emotional connection has been established. As a result, these are often relationships with the same gender, like her current relationship.
She had shared this page with her mother a few days earlier, and her memory of the reaction was that Mom said it sounded like BS. I, naturally, was completely supportive, as I am superior in all ways. Well, in reality, it would be pretty awful for someone like me, longing for the world to accept my deviations from gender norms, to belittle my daughter's tentative steps into the LGBT alphabet soup. I asked her several questions, and assured her that I would stand by her as an ally. As her mother should have done.
I nearly told my girl about myself right there. I quashed the notion, though, as I thought it would take the spotlight off her, and this conversation should be about her.
Telling my wife about the talk, she said again that she thinks the time to tell her of my TG status is rapidly approaching. I want to wait until finals are over next week before I delve into it, but I think it will happen soon after. She needs to know that I am more than an ally, that I know a great deal about how she feels.
Knowing that this is coming is making me want to dress. I had a great meeting a week ago, highlighted by a new skirt, and I'm sure that feeling is contributing as well. And we are going to a Christmas party Saturday, and I cannot escape the fantasy of attending fully dolled up, and being comfortable in my skin for a change at this event. Fantasy will have to suffice for now.
Musings: It's All About Community
5 hours ago
Thank you for sharing and for your fantastic response, it is heartbreaking that it is not the same as your wife. I fear mine would offer a similar response too, so not fair.
ReplyDeleteI can't do more than echo Rhiannon's comment.
ReplyDeleteI am pleased that you were able to support your daughter as strongly as you appear to have done and saddened that your wife's response was remembered thus.
How can people have kids and not support them? What planet does she come from!?
ReplyDeleteWow, I have me a new label, how did I get to be so old before discovering demisexuallity? Naturally spell check says it does not exist…
Life is a minefield for anyone growing up, I am so glad that I am not a teen today. Then again, look some of us are still struggling through the minefield towards the other end of our lives though this post has given the most hope of any for many a year…
Hope that conversation goes well and perhaps support and acceptance from your daughter might help melt the permafrost…
Yule greetings.
Emerging briefly from blog-obscurity to say that you can tell your daughter that you have a friend who identifies as demisexual (we talked about this before, didn't we? If not, I apologize). Anyway, you have my full support in your forthcoming, or already-happened talk with her, and I look forward to reading about it. Feel free to email too, if you wish. Happy New Year!
ReplyDelete