I'm wondering if I should be looking for a pod under my wife's side of the bed. Her body seems to have been snatched by someone who has empathy for my gender dysphoria. I've reported several instances recently where she is interested in easing my, er, unease. Another one tonight:
We were getting ready to go out with another couple for a late dinner. I was dressed in something that allowed me to feel a little feminine without giving it up to our friends. I was ready to go, just waiting for the missus to finish dressing. She comes out into the hall with a necklace in her hand. She said that I needed to wear this. Mind you, the extent of my jewelry is usually a ring on my left hand. She put a very dainty gold box chain around my neck and clasped it for me. I gave her a long kiss and thanked her quietly.
Several times during the evening, even now, I've reached up and touched the necklace, and felt my eyes welling up. Just over a year ago, I composed a long letter to my wife, which I posted here. I just wanted to be able to talk openly about these things in my head. We have now reached the point where I'm only slightly reluctant to speak my thoughts, and she has even begun to ask me specifically about my gender state of mind. We've come a long way, baby.
I haven't surrendered the necklace yet, but I will when I head to bed. Lori commented several weeks ago that my wife must really love me. I'm truly starting to see it. There were several months of utter contempt last year, but she's made up her mind that I'm worth keeping. Status quo doesn't seem so bad tonight.
Musings: It's All About Community
5 hours ago
In an age of casual divorce it may sound quaint to mention that it was traditional to sign up for " for better or for worse ". What at first must seem worse may given time and thought be better. What did they see in us in the first place, something intangible which eventually expresses it's self.
ReplyDeleteThese small signs of acceptance are priceless and hopefully will grow. Today I was woken by a hand slowly caressing the curves from armpit to thigh, something I have often done but suddenly after three decades it is my turn. Words cannot express...
Caroline x
This is really good news Leslie. I think the trust you've been nurturing with her is beginning to pay off. Sure, it has taken a long time for her to see it, but your patience and dedication to her has made this possible. You could have walked away over a year ago, but I think you're beginning to see hope in continuing your journey WITH her. I found the same thing happened with my wife when I opened up to her and stopped hiding my heart from her. Over time the renewed trust seemed to solidify her understanding of my transgender nature. I wish you continued good luck and a continually growing love. I would love to have been a fly on the wall when you delivered that long kiss...lol. You go girl! :)Suzi
ReplyDeleteReally really touching to hear the story, Leslie.
ReplyDeleteCalie xxx
Leslie,
ReplyDeleteTake it and run with it. If you can get her to accept you for you it would be great. I know several couples where the spouse has chosen to transition and they stick together. The key element was the underlying love for each other.
I am only sorry that I cannot provide you a personal example of how it can work. As alas in my case things have not worked out. So I envy you and that relationship that you have. Tend it and nurture it, it is a rare and fragile thing.
Sharon
Awesome.
ReplyDeleteTelling your spouse about your gender dysphoria is quite upsetting to most of them. It rocks their world, and they all deal with it differently.
ReplyDeleteMy spouse deals with it in her way, it's taken a long long time she accepts it begrungingly that this how I am, she loves me.
She has tried to learn as much as see can about the subject and has even befriended a Transgendered woman at work. But she refuses to want to see me as a woman. I do not want to push that aspect.
She knows where my clothes are, if she wants to snoop fine, she might have but she has never said anything.
Just the other day, a pair of panties were folded neatly on my desk. I went to her and told them that they were not mine, but belonged to my oldest daughter.
It's all baby steps.
Looks like the positive momentum is still there and things are really starting to move. You are getting closer all the time to open communication I think. Lots of twists and turns in the road, but I think you are past her denial and working on higher levels of acceptance now. This is not just a victory for you, but a victory for you both.
ReplyDeleteRelish it.
Shan'
It's wonderful to hear this, Leslie Ann.
ReplyDeleteMy eyes got a bit muisty, too.
love
chrissie
xxxx
This must be one of the loveliest and most hopeful posts I've read in a long, long time.
ReplyDeleteFor those of us who are married, nothing can equal the thrill of being accepted by our wives. It's a huge step for them and a huge relief to us!
I've only just found your blog, but I've read through quite a bit and, as you say, you've come a long way.
Well done, both of you.
Hugs,
Angie