"Look at what you wear, and the way you cut your hair.
I can see by what you carry that you come from Barrytown."
"Barrytown" Steely Dan
I've tried to get a rise, a reaction of some sort out of her. Doesn't she have an opinion on this? Not that I've actually asked. I'm referring to my painted toenails (like you didn't know!).
It's been almost two weeks since I painted them. I've had them out in plain sight whenever the kids weren't around. I've seen her avoid looking at them a couple times. But not a word has been said. I've been about as "in your face" as one can be with feet. When we are in bed, I don't immediately put 'em under the covers, but lay with them in the open, waiting for any kind of reaction. Nothing...
This will all come to an end by the weekend, I think. The weather is getting warmer, and keeping my feet covered will soon not be an option. But my world has been sunnier these two weeks. I forgot to take my Zoloft last night, which usually results in a major downturn in mood. But not this time.
I'll show off my handiwork to my counselor Thursday, then the polish will be a short-timer, soon to be gracing a pile of cotton rounds. Another experiment come and gone. Perhaps ear piercing will be the next. That she talks about. Seems amenable to it, though she believes that one at a time might be a little more stealthy out in the big unforgiving world. I'll probably take whatever she is comfy with.
Strangely, we've been getting along famously through this period. One of my friends, either Tina and Shan, said in a chat that she found it odd that my wife was worried about the world's opinion of something invisible (my shaved legs), but hasn't seemed at all concerned about nail polish and pierced ears. Where is the logic here? I'm expecting too much. She failed logic twice in college, so it's not a strength for her.
Okay, another disjointed update completed. It all seemed so organized in my head.
Musings: It's All About Community
5 hours ago
I love gold for the summer, nobody seems to notice much and I only wear sandals summer and winter. Perhaps it is almost invisible and almost neutral.
ReplyDeleteThe black nails were a great success and had no adverse effect on sales at my exhibition opening. Bit chipped after a week, not sure , touch up until the weekend or complete change. Life can be so hard!
Best wishes, Caroline.
It looks like a little bit at a time might be the right way to go then, Leslie Ann.
ReplyDeletelove
chrissie
xxxx
Its nice to see you writing again Leslie. I think it was I who mentioned how odd I find it to tolerate pierced ears, which are near impossible to hide, and not be able to handle leg shaving. But in hind sight, I suppose its less about being caught and more about what she expects in a partner.
ReplyDeleteAs far as being viewed by the world, a couple teeny tiny holes are more telling than shaved legs. Especially if you are mostly wearing pants. But alone with someone in bed, those two tiny holes are hardly perceptible. While shaved legs have a lot more sensory impact, both visually and to the touch.
If you desperately want to be with a male partner, and desperately want to think of who you are with as male, I can imagine how upsetting a pair of long, smooth feminine looking legs might be.
In short, I think she's trying her best to think of you 100% male because she has made up her mind that is what she needs. And seeing shaved legs, and even feeling them against her is probably a lot more distressing than ear rings.
I think she's just fighting another battle with you. She knows about the painted toes, sees them constantly even if no reaction to them is shown, and just wants you to know you can't get to her by flaunting them. She knows you know how she feels about them. I think you should keep them painted all the time. Just make sure you hide them from anyone except her, or when you are dressed. I keep mine painted all the time now. I just keep them hidden when anyone except my wife is around...or when dressed of course. Keep yours painted but don't flaunt them. Go ahead and stick them under the covers...wear slippers around the house...or socks. Enjoy the daylights out of them.
ReplyDeleteI can see why she might not mind the pierced ears so much. Lots of really macho biker dudes and professional athletes have pierced ears. Maybe she would consider it to be a really macho thing for you to do. Get them both done at the same time. I did. I had to be cautious about wearing them at work until they healed, but now I don't care who knows. For example, just this morning I was standing in the hall at our office, talking to a good friend of mine. Suddenly he made a comment like, "you know, in this light it almost looks like your ears are pierced." I told him they don't LOOK pierced, the ARE pierced. He asked me why I did that and I told him I wanted to...lol. This is a person that I've spent countless hours working side by side with over about 3 years and he just now noticed the pierced ears. It's no big deal. The hard part is the time it takes for them to really heal up so they don't close back when you're not wearing earrings.
Good luck girl. It's good to see you asserting yourself somewhat. I really think she will just get used to the nails and pierced ears over time, when she sees it doesn't affect your love for her. Keep on keeping on. :)suzi
Trust me, she sees it. And she is taking notice. I'm guessing it's gonna be used as ammo at just the right moment. I hope I'm wrong. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteWell honey, logic is something one is born with not learned in school. Not everyone possesses it, actually so few do. For example why is one defined by body hair, pin sized holes in cartilage, a pigmented coating on extremities, not to mention the styles and colors of clothing. This brand of logic or lack thereof baffles my mind, although society seems to place it in high regard. I hang out with some Gothic people...I know shocker!!...but anyway, painted nails, eyeliner, makeup and androgynous hairstyles are so very prevalent but I don't think the same society considers it gay or feminine. Albeit, weird but the perceptions are very different. Even my cycling friends...they all shave their legs and never a gay or feminine accusation. The only deduction I can make is our society lacks even a minute resemblance of logic. Everyone (including the wife) is a product of our culture and society...unless we choose to engage in critical thinking and find logic for ourselves.
ReplyDeleteOk, there you have it....you've heard it here first folks. As always, good luck with the wifey and good luck finding logic in a world in which it is non existent.
Peace Out