The Other Shoe

"Sometimes I name and number all the things you gave to me,
Your elastic love, this velvet-lined purgatory"
"Next Time Round" Elvis Costello

The old malaise has been creeping back. I haven't been able to pinpoint it. For a few days, I thought maybe I was headed for a breakthrough psychologically. It had that impending feel to it. The spontaneous and sudden desire to cry is rearing its head as well.

Last Sunday, the wife and I had conjugals. Not the best session we ever had, and when we (I) were done, I could tell that she was holding back tears. I said nothing about it, but it weighed heavily all week. On Thursday, I was preparing to go to my counseling appointment when she asked if I had stuff to talk about there. I said that I had some things, why? She said that she didn't have time to have a real discussion, but she has a serious concern that is bothering her, implying that it was about me or us. About this time, I was checking my voicemail, and found that my appointment had been canceled. So, she said she would save it for a time when we can talk.

We all know that it's never a good thing when someone says that we need to talk. Now I wait for the Sword of Damocles, looming large over my pretty little head. I feel the need to speculate about the topic. My legs were freshly shorn when we made love. Is she only now realizing that I am maintaining my legs on a regular basis? I received a package a couple weeks ago, a new pair of heels, though she didn't ask what was in the package. I hope she isn't going to take me to task for buying things, because she has told me repeatedly that she will not help me acquire clothes, that I need to take care of it myself.

I am left to wonder what's up. Everything seems fairly normal, maybe a little tension between us, but nothing major. Is she hiding her feelings? Or is it really not a big deal? You'll know as soon as I do.