The Grand Delusion

"I'm not about to lose this feeling that I've found" --Ron Sexsmith--

I've been basking in the warm, healthy glow of happiness now for two weeks. This could well be the longest such stretch of my life. I don't recall another, and you'd think a person would, if it were so. As a lifelong pessimist, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Tonight, I may have heard it.

I was complaining on the phone about my wife going way over her minutes on her cell phone, resulting in a huge bill. I told her that I understood the extenuating circumstances of having both parents hospitalized in December. She then pointed out that the cushion of rollover minutes had evaporated in November. Why was that, I stupidly asked. That was when you did that thing to yourself, she hissed. Oh. The shaving of the legs. Right. She had to talk to her sister at length because she was freaked out and angry.

So, my wife's favorite word comes to mind: deluded. I had begun to let myself think that maybe she was getting accustomed to my legs. We have regular "relations", she hasn't made any snide remarks. Maybe she decided that it wasn't all that important whether your husband has hairy legs or not, just that he is present and participating in the marriage and parenthood. Tonight, I realized that my legs may have been moved to the back burner, but her feelings are still simmering.

A great philosopher, Tina, was telling me last night that happiness is a choice. I never would've believed it before, but I can see it now that I'm on the right side of the fence. I choose to remain happy. I know that this happiness has an expiration date, as I promised to grow the hair back after my March meeting. Maybe I can still maintain this feeling thereafter, maybe not. But I need to embrace this now, and try to make it a habit. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!