The Crux

This morning, she wanted to talk a little more about my desire to go out in public. She's worried that being in a new, exciting, fun situation, and feeling misunderstood by my wife, that sexual misconduct might occur. She says it's largely a trust issue, what with me hiding much from her for so many years. That's fair. She wanted to know about the sexual orientation of my friends. Don't really know them that well. I'm sure they cover the spectrum. Note to self: Wife does not approve of sexual activity with others, especially "men." Check.

We talked more about my desire to have her meet my female self. I want to show her that I don't look completely ludicrous. I want her to know what a different person I am as a woman. She doesn't see it happening and feels I'm pressuring her into something she doesn't want. I told her that I really don't expect it, but I'm still allowed to hope for it anyway, and I will continue to express that hope if asked. She doesn't want to meet the woman that, in her mind, I had a twenty year affair with. She's jealous and resentful of that woman, who stole much of my sexual energy. I've made it clear that that aspect is done. This is no longer a fetish for me.

I think it's a very good sign that she initiated more discussion on the topic. At least she seems to realize that we will have to deal with this, as it won't go away. She's being straightforward about her concerns, and seems to be hearing my responses. Fingers crossed.