Boilerplate Complaint

Sometimes nothing at all has changed, only your perception of the situation.

I have shared before about my late nights, alone at the computer, as being my primary opportunity to dress. I have also complained that this is both inadequate and not as secure as it needs to be. Nothing new.

So, about six weeks ago, we signed up for cable (welcome to the 1990's!). It is hooked up to our downstairs television only. Of late, my wife, the lovely Mrs. L, has moved her falling-asleep-in-the-recliner routine downstairs. Several nights recently, I have come home to find her snoozing across the room from my little sanctuary. Have I mentioned that she is adamant about not seeing me dressed?

I have endured this for several nights, even as the pressures were building in me. Last night, the passive aggressive putz in me made an appearance. I just put my black-tighted legs out for display as I did my usual blog reading. Nothing came of it, but as I sat there reading stories of others' triumphs and failures, I kept coming back to myself. I had a strong urge to cry as the self-pity washed over me.

We are no closer to having Leslie acknowledged in the relationship, but the close proximity of Mrs. L while I embodied my favored side just emphasized to me the distance between us. I sat there desperately wanting to be loved for my true self, and knowing that it's unlikely to ever occur. I feel like I have trod this path a thousand times, but the hurt is fresh each time.

Earlier in the week, I offered myself up for another couples therapy session with J if so desired. The offer was declined, at least for now. I was hoping to address the gender stuff that is obsessing me. There are many things that should be shared with my missus, but I have learned to withhold. I do think, though, that I could share with a referee in the room to force a fair fight. Maybe next time.

My epilations are starting to creep up my leg. The half-calf is nearly a full-calf now, and in my current frame of mind, I suspect that the full monty is nearing. That's a fight I don't want to face, but....