Not to Worry

I've gone a long while without writing, unusual for me, and several friends have said that they were worried about me. I did leave off with a dark note three weeks ago, so perhaps the fears grew out of that. An important thing about me: I typically write during a crisis. If I'm not writing, things are probably going smoothly. As is the case presently.

These three weeks have not been without tumult, but the drama has not been about me. My wife has had both parents in the hospital this month, both on the mend at present. The lingering nature of their rehabs, and the effort required by my wife and her sisters to care for extra animals and households, has made me the rock that my wife can cling to. Not a bad place to be, but an unfortunate way to achieve it. I think my shaved legs seem much more minor to her now, relative to the big picture.

My whole attitude has been much sunnier this holiday season, and I am certain that bare legs have contributed. I just feel so much more comfortable with myself. I look right when I am crossdressed. I feel much closer to humanhood now. Many of the little things I've done to assuage my gender pain over the last year seem much less important to me now, like I was compensating for the inability to have my legs shaved. For instance, I have let my arm hair go for weeks. I don't feel as compelled to address it. I will trim and bleach before next Saturday's meeting, but it isn't a major worry now in day-to-day life. I've always been a leg man, and apparently I'm very much a leg girl as well.

So, if things continue to go well, I'll have to write about sunshine and lollipops, or not write much at all. Since you can count my joyous blog entries on one hand, you can guess which way it'll likely go. But never underestimate my capacity to create a new crisis, and something dark to write about.