Buyer's Remorse

I have a habit of creating drama where there was none. It's a habit neither newly acquired nor easily disposed of. This might be a case of that, but I'm really too close to see.

You'll remember that I signed my wife's agreement with no stipulations of my own. Very big of me, thank you very much. Now I'm wavering. The last two weeks the feminine urges have been welling up in me, much as they did last fall. (What is it about October!?) And I'm starting to realize just how much I long to go out into the world as my hidden self. I don't know what I would do or where I might go, but I'm sure I would think of something. However, I made a promise not to do that, until April 10th or the end of the marriage, whichever comes first. I feel now like I signed away a basic human right, to be myself. Maybe this is an over-reaction, or an hormonal surge, or a bit of undigested beef. I look back at some of the comments I recieved pre-signing, the suggestions I opted against, and I'm questioning whether I really did give up something with this contract.

I'm starting to wonder how this situation can resolve itself. The missus seems unlikely to open her heart to this, and I'm sure not closing mine, so how can there be a middle ground that we would both see as a happy ending? The Magic Eight Ball says "Ask again later."