Hiyo, Silver

Mrs. Leslie and I had our 25th anniversary last week. For the uninitiated, that's a freakin' long time. Take my word for it. I do still love her, but there continues to be a distance between. No hostility, but no passion either. This is precisely what I saw in my parents growing up, and I promised myself I wouldn't end up the same way. But then, I see my father (almost) every time I look in the mirror, so why shouldn't my primary relationship reflect him as well?

We had a nice dinner at the Olive Garden. I had a coupon for $4 off, so an easy choice. I got her flowers and a card. She got me a card and new earbuds for my iPod. Just like Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, no? We might splurge soon and give ourselves a new garage door opener. Life in the 'burbs.

As I'm writing this, I have let down the privacy shields on the blog. I'm hoping that when I hit publish, that blogger will pick it up for display on everyone's dashboards and blogrolls. I've been experimenting with this for a bit. I suppose I'd like to have public notice of new private entries. It may not be possible, but what is life worth if you don't reach for the stars?

My dysphoria has given me a lengthy break since my meeting. It's creeping back, but the high lasted most of a week. I dread the coming of fall. The girl fog always returns full force in October. I will want to take my four month turn with bare legs, and I know the coolness I feel in the house now is in anticipation of that inevitability. The need to push the envelope is there every winter, and the envelope gets a little bigger each time. I've had the leash pulled back hard twice now. Next time, I might find myself getting left out in the country to fend for myself.

Dark days, dark days...

Miss Me?

I hope my absence has made your hearts grow fonder. I have been too busy to blog, if that is fathomable to you. Yes, there are other priorities!

I spent the bulk of my week preparing for Saturday's support meeting. I have rushed through the prep the last couple times, and feeling less than 100% about myself dulls the thrill of having Leslie time. This time around, I endeavored to leave no stone unturned (except shaving my legs, of course). I am lovin' my arms, with very(!) close-cropped hair that I bleached twice in the last week. I also spent a lot of time thinking about my attire. I bought a pair of charcoal leggings from Newport-News last week, for the express purpose of having something truly feminine with which to cover my legs.

Part of my ardor, too, was the fact that I had arranged for my therapist, M, to come speak to the group. In over two years of therapy, she has never seen me all Leslied up, outside of photos on the blog, and that is just wrong. She accepts me as female, even though I am presenting as male. Needless to say, one of my very favorite people. And now, finally, she has seen me at my best.

Next month, we have a hair removal lady coming to present (free samples?), and in October we have scheduled the endocrinologist from the university that cares for most of the TG folks in the area.

The meeting was a great success. M commands an audience very well, and she knows her stuff. The fact that she was coming brought some folks out of the woodwork too, some that I hadn't seen in over a year. I was feeling quite social, too, which is how I gauge my confidence in presentation.

So, it was a fine week, and the dysphoria dried up with the anticipation of being myself for a while. It's been a rough month or two, GD wise, and the break from it feels good. Regular blogging should resume as the dysphoria and/or marital tensions ramp back up.